2016: Obama’s World

Before the 2008 election, James Dobson wrote this letter to Obama’s America. Of course, the vast majority of it was inaccurate, and much of it was hilariously off-base. Nevertheless, had it included the below points in 2008, it would have been the most prophetic document ever, and it would still have been laughed off by the vast majority of Americans for being ridiculous:

In Obama’s first term:

1. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell will be repealed.
2. Bin Laden will be killed by U.S. forces.
3. Moammar Gaddafi’s government will be overthrown with U.S. bombs, with the U.S. taking advantage of a popular uprising in that country. Gaddafi will be killed by U.S. backed-rebels in Sirte after the rebel capture of Tripoli.
4. A series of protests in Syria will turn into a U.S. and Turkey-backed civil war, leading to much of the country falling outside government control and into the hands of militant Islamists and Kurds. Many archaeological sites will be thoroughly looted.
5. U.S. troops will leave Iraq before the beginning of 2012.
6. As a result of #3, militant Islamist groups will take most of Mali, destroying libraries and tombs in Timbuktu. However, they will be repelled and largely defeated by the French.
7. Protests in Bahrain will receive no support from the U.S., despite it supporting successful protests in Egypt, Tunisia, and Yemen. The Yemen protests will result in a transition of dictatorship.
8. Despite it all, Tunisia will still be a democracy by the end of Obama’s first term.

In Obama’s second term,
1. An Islamic Caliphate will be established in Raqqa, Syria as a result of #4. It will proceed to take over the vast majority of the Iraq-Syria border (the entirety of the rest being controlled by Kurds), seizing Palmyra, Mosul, Calah, Fallujah, al-Bab, some villages in Lebanon, Afghanistan, and Yemen, a good portion of Libya surrounding the city of Sirte, and the entirety of the Euphrates valley from Carchemish to Lake Haditha. It will destroy much of Palmyra, Calah, Mosul, and other archaeological sites. Unlike with #3 (first term), no serious U.S.-led attempt will be made to overthrow the Caliphate, despite it bordering a U.S. NATO ally. Instead, the U.S. will use this opportunity to pressure Nouri al-Maliki to leave office.
2. Revelations of a mass spying program collecting data on what every American reads and watches online will be disclosed by a whistleblower, who will then proceed to flee to Russia.
3. Days after a record-breaking Winter Olympics for Russia, an Obama-backed revolution in Ukraine will lead Russia, led by President Vladimir Putin, re-elected in Obama’s first term, to seize Krim and to establish a successful anti-Ukrainian insurgency in the Ukrainian cities of Donetsk and Luhansk, with great death and destruction after the Ukrainian army attempts to smash it. As a result, Putin’s approval rating in Russia will soar.
4. Over a dozen candidates will run for the position of Republican nominee for President. However, due to the paucity of credible candidates, Donald Trump will take the polling lead nationwide while making outrageous statements, with him being predicted by the polls to win in Iowa. Nevertheless, Trump will only place second in the Iowa caucus. Meanwhile, Clinton’s only challenger to the Democratic nomination will be Bernie Sanders, who has no chance nationwide, but will almost win Iowa.
5. A radical transphilic homophilic racist (in favor of Blacks), sexist (in favor of women) movement will gain prominence throughout the U.S. and will dominate most of its media. Concepts (e.g., “the patriarchy”) once heard only in the most fetid bowels of academia will be heard on the street.
6. The New York Times will advocate for a $15 minimum wage by 2020, despite inflation averaging less than 2% since Obama came into office.
7. The Federal funds rate will not be raised until Obama’s second term.
8. As a result of #1, Russia will begin airstrikes against militant Islamists, including al-Qaeda in Syria and the Caliphate, to the condemnation of the U.S., which fired ineffectual airstrikes into Caliphate territory for over a year without the Caliphate losing any territory outside Iraq, on net, since the beginning of the intervention. The Russian airstrikes will not be immediately successful, but will allow the Syrian government to make substantial gains around Halab.
9. Houthis will take over most of North Yemen, including the capital, while the rest of the country will be divided between the government and AQAP. This will result in a Saudi intervention, which will quickly turn into a quagmire.
10. Despite it all, Iran will still not develop nuclear weapons or be attacked by any state. Rather, an Obama-backed deal will be made limiting its nuclear abilities in exchange for sanctions relief. This deal will be wildly unpopular and will be attacked by Netanyahu and every Republican presidential candidate.

Imagine, for a moment, someone in the mindset of 2008, not knowing about any of this, and reading it. Now all this happened. And no one gives a shit.

And this is my 100th post on the Marginal Counterrevolution, two months after its founding.

Author: pithom

An atheist with an interest in the history of the ancient Near East. Author of the Against Jebel al-Lawz Wordpress blog.

One thought on “2016: Obama’s World”

Read the Comment Policy Before Commenting.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s