1. The NRA leader’s. Grade: A. Pretty good at firing up the base and treating the NRA as a champion of women.

2. Christie’s. Grade: C-. Christie is a neocon, and was the only speaker to make explicitly neocon talking points, especially condemning Russia and Assad. Even Cotton didn’t stoop that low. Disgusting.

3. Donald Trump Jr’s. Grade: A++. Very strong on the economy. Most economically substantive speech of the night. Great speaker.

4. West Virginia Senator’s. Grade: A. Strong emphasis on coal jobs and on Appalachian asabiyah. In the timeless words of Matt Yglesias,

5. Avocado farmer’s. Grade: B. Probably the most impassioned speech of the night. Defended agricultural protectionism, condemned Obamacare. Comparatively substantive.